The Pusher Man

After I got that box of glowing Apple TV happiness, I no longer needed the Airport Express Base Station. Thinking I’d help someone out, I offered it for sale to my co-workers at a cut rate price. The Pusher Man stepped in and offered to buy it from me. Some cash with a handful of those brownies on the side.

The first time those brownies, mmm, those brownies ever crossed my path. The smell of home made brownies tricked Jill and I into a sense of warmth and comfort. The Pusher Man came over to our house when we were vulnerable, weak even. Jill had recently gone through surgery and needed a little something to ease the pain. Warm fudgy love pressed up against the lips and liquified in the mouth. Slid all the way down until the mind registered the devilish delight.

You know the brownie baker, the brownie baker is a soul with a box of Duncan Hines Homestyle Brownies in his hand. Brown and hard, these brownies stick to the teeth and leave the taste of aluminum sulfate in the mouth. For a simple thank you at a potluck dinner, the brownie baker will give you lots of sweets. Or take a few anonymously when no one is looking.

The Pusher, on the other hand, is a monster, good God, he’s not a natural man. The secret formula comes from the deepest recess of the darkest places on earth. A possesion of sorts takes over the hands of the Pusher as he makes his mystical bars of happiness. The first one is free. But after one bite, you’ll never be free again.

Sheer wickedness causes those brownies to call out in the middle of the night. Roll over. Thinking about them. Gotta get up and pee like an ordinary man. Pet the cat. Yes, the brownies call out from the kitchen counter. Just a little crumb from the tupperware. Just a corner off the edge of big one. Just a small one with a glass of milk to wash it down. That was a small one. Two small ones make a whole one.

Ah, those luscious little babies will ruin your body. Yes, the Pusher Man will leave your mind to scream for more. The chocolate hits richness so right that all the world stops for a moment before that intake of breath after the bite. The electric vibe flows from the head to the toe. Yes, that chocolate brownie will hold on to your very soul.

Stop now, brothers and sisters, don’t take the brownies from the Pusher Man. Stop now before you start reaching for laptops, cameras, and car keys wondering what you can trade for a Tupperware container of the Pusher Man’s brownies.